When you say that you love someone, what do you do to show them that love? If you’re like most of us, when you love someone, you never want to see them upset or hurt. You’re probably nice to them and do whatever you can to make them happy. Especially parents feel this way. They never want to see their baby cry or be upset.
But, that love can hurt people.
Aur teaches a different perspective of love. For her, if you love someone, you will do what is best for them in the long term. Truly best for them. Not what you feel comfortable with, or what makes them temporarily pleased, but what is best. In order to what is best for someone, you have to have two key pieces of knowledge. You must truly know that person, their strengths, weaknesses, good side and bad. Then, you need to know what really is good and bad for them. What will ultimately provide them with benefit vs harm?
Kicking your five-year-old child out of the car to find their own way home whilst still being miles away, may seem a terrible thing to do. But, Sir Richard Branson remembers it fondly as a valuable lesson his mom taught him in independence.
Have you noticed that the most successful and inspiring people in the World often came from poor backgrounds or childhoods filled with serious adversity? Many of the greatest actors, performers, humanitarians and business people, all experienced huge hardship. Whereas comfort is often quoted to be the enemy of success. This isn’t a coincidence.
The key is knowing what core current experiences create desirable future personality characteristics and personal strengths. No matter the discomfort or unfavorable present discomfort. This is how Aur shows love to her students and own family. She guides them, argues with and even chides them to change current behavioral patterns, which although they may like or be used to, will lead them to future personal suffering. She never gives up too. No matter how stubbornly they hold onto their destructive behaviors, she pushes back until they finally change for the better. We say that she fights for us to be better people even when we don’t fight for ourselves. That’s what Aur calls love.
Example love story: baby
Two of Aur’s students recently had a baby. Aur often helps them with training their infant and takes care of him when his parents are both unavailable due to work. She has a lot of experience raising children. When she was in her early 20’s she volunteered as an early foster parent for orphans and has raised over 20 children in her life (including her own two).
The baby was born on a Friday. We know from studying with Aur that one of the problems a Friday has is a tendency towards laziness and she could see that this child, in particular, had problems with a high ego. When feeding the baby, she would put his hands on the bottle every time. Then she’d let go. At first, he cried loudly in protest, visibly distressed, wanting her to hold the bottle for him. Then, he realized he had to hold it himself. This might seem small, but remember how much these young periods in our lives shape who we become. Research shows that behavior styles at 3 already link to core adult personalities. If he learns to be responsible for himself at this age, it will snowball into his adult persona.
You might think that it’s too early to teach a child when they’re a baby. But, babies are smart. At first, whenever the baby did not get what he wanted, he would cry and scream in protest. He wasn’t sad, he was angry. There wouldn’t be any tears, and he would even stop to look around and see if anyone was watching him. He would do this until his parents gave in and gave him whatever it was he wanted. He won every time. But, this is no good. If left unchecked, he’ll become increasingly difficult for his parents to control or teach him. He will feel that whatever they say, he will win in the end. This doesn’t mold a respectful or nurturing relationship. It will be detrimental to his future openness to learning from his elders.
So, whenever the baby did this with Aur around, she would do things differently. When she saw that he was crying to win, she would let him cry. She even spanked him on the butt when he opened his eyes to check if anyone was watching him and told him off. This would sometimes go on for hours. He was persistent in wanting to win and get his way. But, after a few days of this scenario, he realized that he could not always win. He had to follow what others wanted too. Even though he is still less than a year old, you can see that he developed himself immensely. This is something he’ll have for life now.
Aur deeply loves this child. To the point that she understands what is good and bad in his personality and does everything she can to help develop him in a way that will provide him with a brighter future and greater personality.
It’s never too early or too late to start helping others you love. But remember, to love another, you must first love yourself. Loving yourself doesn’t mean always doing what you want to do. It’s doing what’s best for you. Find out what is good and what is bad in yourself. Think about the future your own current actions, thoughts and beliefs will lead you towards.
Discipline yourself. Train yourself. Develop yourself to be better. Make your future brighter than today. That’s Love.