Do you want to be RIGHT or HAPPY? Our silly little ego never wants to lose. The problem is, when the ego tries to win, its fate is sealed. It fights to be right but is destined to lose.
In life, there is no such thing as winning or losing. Losing just means not getting what you want. The problem is that when our ego takes over, we never get what we want anyway. That’s the paradox of the ego – A selfish mechanism which flares up when we want something but never helps us to actually get it.
When wanting something, you must look at the end goal. For example, you’re upset with your spouse because they forgot your anniversary. Ultimately, you want a loving and intimate relationship. But, because of your ego, you yell at them or try to punish them for their forgetfulness. This makes them step back. You end up with the opposite of what you want. Silly, right? But it happens to all of us.
Here’s an Ego example.
Today, one of Aur’s students called Aur saying that they wanted to break up with their partner. Their partner was angry with them because they had acted like a nuisance that day and caused problems for their partner. Instead of apologizing, the student’ ego came out to play. They proclaimed that they weren’t wrong and rather end the relationship than say sorry to their partner (of 4 years).
The student (ego) said confidently that it was easier to endure suffering caused by a breakup than to say sorry for something they didn’t feel like they had done wrong. “I don’t want to change. She should just accept me for who I am”, they said. His ego shining brightly like the sun.
In his heart, he didn’t want to lose or look bad. He could not accept that he had done something wrong to his partner. But what was his end goal? Did he want to break up? No. Threatening a break up was his way of avoiding the actual problem at hand which he didn’t want to face. Being wrong. It was cowardly. But, in his mind, he was standing his ground.
These instances generalize in life. Today it’s breaking up to avoid accepting a truth, tomorrow it might be leaving a job because of an “ignorant” boss or “difficult” colleague. Each time, ego gets its way. But you’re the one who loses. You lose opportunities, relationships, and most importantly, your happiness. You don’t get the end results you want. Game over.
How to win
If you want to win and get the end result you truly wish for, you have to think. You have to best your opponent for real.
When you step into an argument, the goal is to win. So, think through everything, from every angle possible. Talk and think in logical ways with presentable facts which no one can deny. You have to be better than the other person, in knowledge, heart, and mind. Not in a display of ego puffery.
If you are the one who is wrong, you can still win. See, and accept your faults. Become a better person than you were before. Beat your own “Personal Top Score” in self-development and reach a new level of mind and character. Then, you will be a real winner. A happy winner.
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